Excerpt from Marching Powder on Bolivian Culture:

I sighed heavily and recounted my conversation with Simón the butcher.

“OK. I went down there and I said, ‘Buenas noches, Simón. ¿Como está?’ I pronounced his name right, then I asked him for two pounds of carne. I said por favor and I called him usted to be polite, just like you told me. But he still said he had nothing.”

Ricardo made a clicking sound with his tongue like I had committed a glaring error.

“Well, of course he wouldn’t sell you any.”

“Why? What did I do wrong this time?”

“You can’t just walk straight up to him and ask him for meat without talking to him first.”

“I did talk to him.”

“Not properly. You don’t know these people, Thomas. If you don’t talk to them first or if they don’t like you, they won’t sell you a single thing.”

“So, you’re saying that even if he has meat, he won’t sell it to me?” I said sarcastically.

“That’s right,” Ricardo replied, as though he was making a point that was very obvious.

“That’s ridiculous! He’s running a business. If he has something and I want to buy it and I have money, then why won’t he sell it to me? Who cares if he doesn’t like me, he can still take my money. Doesn’t he need money?”

“Thomas, you’re not in Europe anymore. This is a different culture. Of course, he needs money, but you have to talk with the people. They are a very proud people, especially the Aymarans.”

“So what? They still need money. If they don’t want money, then they’re stupid.”

“They are not stupid at all. Don’t ever call them stupid! They just think differently. You have to show them respect, and you have to make them laugh.”

I tried to understand this, but it was illogical. Maybe the Bolivians weren’t stupid, but they were definitely a bit crazy.

“So, what should I have said to him, then?”

“You have to talk to him. You have to call him Simoncito. They like it when you put ‘ito’ on the end of every word. Momentito, bolivianito, pequenito.Especially with their names. It’s not Carlos, Juan or Tomás. It’s Carlitos, Juanito and Tomacito. It shows you’re friends with someone.”

“Then what after that?”

“Just talk about whatever you feel like until they laugh. But remember, it’s not for the money. You are asking them a favour as a friend and they are giving you something as a present.”

“But how can it be a present if I have to pay for it?”

“You aren’t paying, Thomas. They give you a present, and you give them the money as a present in return.”

Excerpt from Marching Powder on Bolivian Culture: